10 Things to Avoid in Order to Maintain a Healthy Relationship

Our ideas of relationships have been so manipulated by Hollywood and fiction novels. The romantic gesture of looking through someone’s phone or keeping them from other people in their lives in reality is more controlling than romantic. The ‘ideal’ relationship means something different to everyone. However, the most important component of any relationship is that it be healthy and have open, honest communication. Like in any movie or novel, a lack of these two can lead to tragedy. There are so many elements to creating a healthy relationship, but equally as many problematic behaviors that can lead to a particularly unhealthy relationship.

So, what should you do in order to keep your relationship as healthy and loving as possible? Here is a list of our top 10 behaviors to avoid:

1. Spending All of Your Time Together

For starters, you do not want to be one of ‘those’ couples. You should have your own opinions, hobbies, and preferences that are totally independent of your partner’s. If for no other reason than you want them to continue to be interested in you. If you both do the same things all the time, there is no spark anymore. On top of that, your friends will be seeing less and less of you. Being in a relationship does not mean that that is all there is to you. Your friends and maintaining those relationships should still be a priority for you. If your partner decides what you like and what you don’t, this is a sign of very manipulative behavior. Yes, having a partner is exciting, but do not lose yourself in that person.

Instead, get to know each other slowly. Give each other space when needed and operate your lives normally. Do not start neglecting other parts of your life, but rather let this relationship enhance the parts that were already there.

2. Trying to Change Your Partner

This one may seem obvious, because if you fell for the person, what reason do you have to change them? If you are not interested in the person they are, leave. Do not try to make them your idea of who they could be or your ‘ideal’ partner. You have to accept who this person is right now, at this moment, or find someone else to be with.

Instead, remind yourself that no one (yes, you included!) is perfect. Appreciate the good and bad in that person, even if it is not “perfect” 100% of the time. If something about their character could be improved, approach it as a suggestion, not an edit.

3. Comparing Your Partner and Relationship to Others

No matter what your expectations or experience was before them, do not compare your partner to others. They will always fall short, and if they do not, could never live up to the standard you are trying to hold them to. No one wants to feel like they are in competition for someone they are with. It is not fair, and not healthy. This only brings on negative thoughts and that does not help anyone.

4. Controlling Your Partner

In the same way that you want to have your own individual identity, you want your partner to have the same. Controlling your partner means telling them what they can and cannot do. This is a relationship killer, especially when they figure out that you are doing this. If you feel that your partner is the one being controlling, this can be potentially very dangerous. This can hinder your personal growth and make you think you are happy when in reality, you are not.

Instead, again, remind yourself that no one is perfect and respect that! Your partner made it okay so far without you telling them what is right or wrong, so they can continue to exist that way.

5. Looking Through Their Phone

The temptation here is strong, but don’t do it. Snooping only leads to finding something you do not want to see. It always happens that something is taken out of context or misconstrued. This can turn into a huge fight that could have been avoided in the first place. This is also incredibly controlling behavior if you or your partner are actively looking through the other’s phone. Trust issues and fighting is all that could come from this, so avoid the temptation.

6. Bringing Up the Past

In arguments especially, NEVER bring up the past. Healthy relationships focus on the present and future, not fights or things that happened weeks ago. For instance, in the event that you were cheated on or you cheated, if you and your partner settled the matter, this does NOT mean you get to bring it up in your next fight. You can’t choose when to bring up that point to strengthen yours, especially if it was settled well. You have to leave the past in the past in order to move forward.

7. Letting Yourself Get Too Jealous

This can be trying, especially if your partner is not making this any easier. A little jealousy is healthy and natural. It keeps things interesting. But serious jealousy is deadly for relationships. Especially when jealousy turns into possessiveness. Your partner is not your property, and should never be treated as such. Oftentimes, jealousy just is an expression of your own insecurities, and that is not healthy.

8. Paying More Attention to Your Phone Than Your Partner

For many people, spending quality time with a partner is a highlight. If you are so focused on your phone that you barely get to spend time with them, that is no good. The conversations you have with your partner should be interesting and you should not feel as strong of an urge to be on your phone when you are with them. Being constantly distracted can be a huge turnoff. If your partner thinks you care about your phone more than them, there is a problem. Cherish the time you spend with one another and remember that your phone can wait.

9. Taking Your Partner for Granted

Remember, this person made a commitment to you when deciding to be in this relationship, and that is not an easy thing to do. When you feel that you are being taken for granted, it is a devastating feeling. You have to treat your partner with the same love and respect as you expect. It may seem silly, but a hug or meaningful comment can go a long way. Your partner may not always ask for your attention or express that they are feeling this way, so make sure to check in with yourself and them. Everyone wants to feel special in their relationship, why else would people do it? So be conscious that you are treating them right and with love and respect.

10. No Longer Make an Effort

This happens most frequently when you become too comfortable with someone. You stop complimenting them as much as you used to. You do not think to hold them as often or make them laugh. You have already ‘won’ their affections, so the little things move to the wayside. You still have to impress this person, even if you are already with them. People are busy and yes, you may be comfortable with where your relationship is, but getting that spark back makes a huge difference. Relationships are a team effort, and when one person stops putting in that effort, the other person can tell. As much as possible, try to keep the romance fresh and fun.

Conclusion

Every relationship is different and that is okay. If you examine these points and realize you are exhibiting some of these behaviors, take inventory and discuss with your partner. See if they have noticed this, and how you both can do better to establish healthier behaviors. Relationships need constant care and attention to flourish. It is very important that you stay self-aware and aware of your partner. Swallow your pride and be as transparent as possible so that your partner feels comfortable and supported, and you know that your relationship is healthy.

10 Things to Avoid in Order to Maintain a Healthy Relationship

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