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Couples Therapy and Relationship Counseling: Everything You Need To Know

Are you feeling that your relationship is not as strong as it previously was? Are you and your partner struggling to communicate or trust one another? Before you give up on the relationship entirely, there is a way to try to bring it back to a healthy place. Studies find that 75% of couples find couples therapy to be successful at restoring their relationship.

If you normally go to your partner with problems or do not trust others with your personal information, couples therapy can be a great resource for help. We all deserve to be in healthy, loving relationships. When you start your sessions it can be intimidating. Today, we will be unpacking what to expect from sessions and how to make the most effective.

Couples Therapy 101

What Is Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy is a type of psychotherapy dedicated to helping couples to work through challenges, better understand their relationship, and develop healthier habits. A therapist will use techniques and interventions in order to help the couple achieve their goals.

Often, couples start therapy because they are having specific challenges, such as communication problems, affairs, difficulties with sex, or debating a breakup. It is to help couples break challenging, unhealthy cycles and finding new solutions.

Statistics

So, does couple therapy work? Statistics show that couples therapy can actually help improve communication between the couple and other important factors.

It can be difficult if you are surrounded by healthy, happy relationships, but when it comes to relationship problems, everyone has their fair share. Some statistics report a 38% failure rate for couples therapy, however, the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists reports 98% of couples considering counseling a success. The level of success ultimately depends on your willingness to engage with the treatment and take it seriously.

What to Expect

The beginning sessions typically will focus on your relationship history and the issues you both are there to focus on. Some questions about your parents, childhood and past relationships are expected. It is possible that your therapist may spend time talking to each of you separately and then together. The main thing is that your therapist will get to know you on a personal level. It may feel insignificant, but they want the best possible picture of the whole situation.

As you progress through sessions, they will become more of what you would expect.

Getting to the Root of the Problem

There can be many different reasons why people try couples therapy. Some may include:

  • Physical intimacy problems;
  • Ignoring problems;
  • Having the same arguments.

Not everyone’s sessions will be the same, but identifying your relationship problems is an important part of the process. You may go into therapy thinking your problem surrounds a lack of communication, but it could be more about intimacy. As you work with your therapist, they will help you look for underlying themes and connections.

Develop a Timeline and Set Goals

When you discover the root of your relationship problems, you can develop goals for yourselves. Perhaps you are hoping to reach a stronger understanding of one another or trying to fall in love all over again. Your goals can be in reference to specific skills or large adjustments. For some, it may be to tend the relationship on a positive note. If your goals change or evolve, that is okay!

Once you set your goals for therapy, you, your partner, and your therapist will develop a timeline. This will happen after a few sessions. Some couples may only need a few months of therapy while others will make it part of the relationship.

Learning New Skills

The most important part of couples therapy is the ability to develop new skills that benefit your relationship beyond therapy sessions. Some skills could include:

  • Communication;
  • Trust;
  • Honesty;
  • Patience;
  • Stress-management;
  • Selflessness;
  • Forgiveness.

Most couples have had all of these skills at one point, but may have forgotten how to use them. Your therapist’s goal is to help remind you how to use these skills and how they can improve your relationship.

Homework

The work does not stop when your therapy session ends. Like in all therapy, most of the work happens between sessions. You can expect to have homework or certain tasks to complete between sessions. It is important to take these seriously and complete them in order to get the most out of your sessions. Some examples could be:

  • Get intimate with your partner;
  • Go on a date without phones;
  • Read a self-help book together and talk;
  • Keep a log of arguments.

The goal of this homework is to get you to work out your issues without your therapist. They may feel small, but they are stepping stones to tackling much larger issues.

How Long Does It Last?

This very much depends on the couple. For some, it takes years and for others it takes months. It all depends on the severity of the issues and the effort the couple puts in. Some therapists may also offer single sessions for couples who want support for one conversation.

It typically takes a few sessions for the couple to get comfortable working with someone, and time for the therapist to understand the dynamics of the relationship. Some people may be frustrated with the pace that therapy is moving at, however, they need to make sure they develop time to building these new skills.

Think of seeing a therapist as seeing a personal trainer; you want to work out between sessions!

How to Make Couples Therapy as Effective as Possible

Therapy can only be as effective as clients allow it to be. There are many things you can do to make it more effective, such as:

  • Be honest. Do not lie to your therapist, especially in front of your partner. Your therapist is not there to judge you, but rather to help. Even if you are embarrassed, try to be as honest as possible.
  • Listen to your partner. Whether or not you agree with your partner, you should always listen to them. If you are defensive or try to talk over them it only makes things worse for everyone.
  • Be okay with the discomfort. Therapy can be uncomfortable, especially when what you are discussing or learning is not happy or pleasant. There is a certain level of discomfort and acknowledgment that comes with the process.
  • Put in the work. As we mentioned, what happens in between sessions is just as important as what happens during the session. Your counselor’s homework is meant for a greater purpose. Put in the time and effort and encourage your partner to do the same.

When to Go to Couples Therapy

If you find you and your partner are having the same argument over and over, it might be best to seek help from a therapist. There is a misconception that you should wait until a breakup or divorce is on the table, but actually, it is often too late at that point. Couples therapy should begin when these problems are getting in the way of your daily life. Here are some signs to look out for:

  • Your interactions with your partner are met with criticism or contempt;
  • You have one or multiple unsolved arguments;
  • You have experienced major stress;
  • You have experienced infidelity, addiction, or abuse;
  • You have trouble making decisions together;
  • You want a stronger relationship.

It is important to note that healthy couples can benefit from therapy too. You should not just go if you are experiencing trouble, but if you want to improve your communication skills and connection. Often, people want the best relationship they can have. So therapy is a great way of strengthening this.

How to Find a Therapist

There are many ways to go about finding a therapist. Couples therapy therapists are trained, licensed professionals (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Professional Counselor, or Licensed Clinical Social Workers). Whatever this person calls themselves, make sure to look at their credentials closely.

Asking people for referrals is one of the most effective ways to start. If you know someone who is working with a therapist, they can always recommend someone to you. You can contact your insurance company to find a therapist who is covered, or ask a physician. People you love and trust are great places to begin the search.

Online databases are also great places to find therapists. There are many platforms (such as Mental Treat) that help you filter to find the right fit for you.

On Mental Treat’s comprehensive platform you can select from a range of therapists who fit in your price range, distance, specialty, and more! Check out our page for more information.

It may take time to find a therapist that both you and your partner trust. Keep your options open and speak with a few people before committing to anyone. You want to make sure you are getting the most out of your sessions, and this relationship is very important.

A Word From Mental Treat

Relationships can be hard even when people love each other. Couples therapy is about finding a way to be happy and satisfied with one another. A healthy outcome of couples therapy is feeling that the relationship is new and not business as usual. You are both there to listen to one another and see the relationship for what it is objectively. Remember, you should feel supported and loved in your relationship. If you are feeling unsafe in your relationship, please reach out for help. We wish you nothing but love and happiness and the best of luck as you begin your couples therapy journey!

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