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Is Your Relationship Toxic? How to Recognize the Signs & What to Do

There are always difficulties and issues in every relationship. But no matter the rough patches, in a healhy relationship you are able to come together. You can discuss situations openly and work together to create solutions. At the end of the day, you just enjoy being together.

Toxic relationships are different. They are harder to identify when you are in one. However, if you find yourself constantly unhappy or feeling drained by your partner, it is a sign that something is wrong. Today, we will be discussing the signs of a toxic relationship and what to do about it. Let’s get started!

What Is a Toxic Relationship?

A toxic relationship is one that ruins your sense of happiness and security. Well known communication and psychological expert Dr. Lillian Glass in her book Toxic People, defines toxic relationships as “any relationship [where people] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.”

Relationships can often start healthy and quickly unravel. Every relationship goes through hard times, but toxic relationships are constantly unpleasant. These relationships do not have to be romantic. Friendships, family, and professional relationships, according to Glass, can also be toxic. It happens quickly and easily and to even the strongest of individuals. Do not be hard on yourself for being the victim of a toxic relationship.

How Does a Toxic Relationship Feel?

Toxic relationships are different for everyone. It can be highly obvious or incredibly subtle. The best thing to do is be aware that the relationship is toxic. Not all of these relationships are easy to leave, but knowing the signs makes reclaiming your power easier. A toxic relationship is defined by its consistency, so look out for these 11 signs:

1. There Is No Effort.

When you find yourself being the only one putting effort into the relationship, there is a problem. Just because your partner is physically there does not mean they are invested in the relationship. It can be healthy to do things separately, but when there is no effort to spend time with you, the relationship begins to stray. There may be a time when whether or not your partner is around does not make a difference because they are so mentally absent.

2. Nothing Is Ever Resolved.

It is normal, healthy even, for relationships to have ups and downs. However, in toxic relationships, nothing gets resolved because conflicts end in arguments. There is no trust that the other person will take criticism or deal with the issue. When this happens, things get buried and the relationship is met with resentment.

3. Passive-Aggressive Behavior.

Passive-aggressive behavior is common in these relationships. When one person subtly disguises their anger, they are manipulating you. This may not always feel like an obvious issue because it is easier to give them the benefit of the doubt, but passive-aggressive behavior or threats are not healthy.

4. There Is a ‘Score Card’.

This phenomenon happens when someone you are dating continues to blame you or bring up past mistakes. This develops into a ‘score card’ where you find yourselves fighting over who has messed up the most over the course of your relationship. Not only are you deflecting your current issues, but bringing up the past like this does no one any good.

5. There Is a Lack of Support.

When your relationship has stopped being positive, it has turned toxic. You should always want your partner to succeed and be their biggest fan. Competition is unhealthy. Their win is not your loss and vice versa. When you feel like they do not have your back anymore, there is not much left.

6. They Constantly Ignore Your Needs.

When you go along with your partner because it is what they want to do and it makes you uncomfortable, that is a sign of toxicity. You may have agreed to go on a trip with your partner to go scuba diving, but you might be scared of the ocean and do not actually want to go. This shows a lack of respect for you and your boundaries.

7. You Feel Like You Are Walking On Eggshells.

When you are worried that your partner is going to blow up at you or otherwise react negatively to something you say or do, this is a clear sign of toxic behavior. If you have to avoid topics, people, or places because you are scared of what your partner will do or say, acknowledge this for the unhealthy behavior it is. This is not you being insensitive.

8. They Constantly Lie.

Lying and cheating will always dissolve the trust. Once it is gone, it is nearly impossible to get back. A relationship without trust can never be healthy. This turns people suspicious, insecure, jealous. Sometimes fights and conversations cannot make up for the loss of trust, and enough is enough. If they broke your trust, it is not your fault. It is the person they are.

9. Physical, Emotional, or Sexual Abuse.

This is never acceptable. If you find yourself being abused by your partner, friend, colleague, family member, please reach out for help. This is never okay. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 247 at 1-800-799-7233.

10. They Are Unhealthily Jealous.

Jealousy can sometimes be viewed as fun and a little positive. However, when your partner becomes angry that you talk or hang out with someone who is not them and attempt to control you, it is highly negative. This leads to behaviors like showing up with you are not expecting them, going through your phone when you are away or breaking into accounts to keep an eye on you. Remember that the bulk of a relationship is trust and that these actions and directly violating that trust.

11.They Try to Control You.

If your partner is constantly asking where you are or getting upset when you do not respond to them immediately, these can be signs of dangerous controlling behavior. In some circumstances, this can be a sign of abuse. You are the only person who can tell you what to do. Do not let your partner take that from you.

A Word From Mental Treat

You cannot change your partner, no matter how hard you may try. However, you can change yourself and that may help. You must calmly, but firmly confront their toxic behavior. Identify the behaviors your partner is displaying and let him or her know it is no longer acceptable. Suggest alternative behaviors and how you can both do better.

When you do this, expect that your partner will try to escalate their controlling, toxic behaviors. You have to stay calm and firm. If your partner will not listen or see reason, consider taking a break from the relationship. When you talk to them, repeat your requests, and let them know you are out if the behavior continues. If they refuse, the relationship is over. You can only fix this relationship if both of you are committed.

Repairing a toxic relationship will take time and effort. Here are a few tips to getting yourself there:

Find support. No matter what you decide to do, support will only help you. Talk to friends, family, or counselors who specialize in relationship support. Check out Mental Treat’s platform here to connect with licensed mental health professionals who are able to help.

Improve your communication skills. Pay attention to how you speak to your partner and how they speak to you. Be gentle. Avoid passive-aggressive behavior or jabbing at them. Use the word “I” more often than “you”. You would be surprised how far semantics can go, especially for the other person.

Hold yourself accountable. Both partners need to acknowledge their parts in making the relationship toxic. Identify and take responsibility for your actions as well in the relationship. Be engaged in the conversation, even when it gets difficult. This will encourage your partner to do the same.

A Word From Mental Treat

There are many reasons why you may end up in a toxic relationship. Please remember this does not reflect you or the person you are. It does not make you weak or a coward or anything other than a victim of a toxic person. Sometimes the toxicity in a relationship can blindside us and by the time we realize there is a problem, it may be too late. Leaving could feel more dangerous or even impossible.

Whatever the situation, we at Mental Treat have many qualified professionals who can help you work through your relationship. Whatever specialist you are looking for, we can provide you with. Please visit our website and view the platform here. As always, take care and be well.

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