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When (And How) to Break Up With Your Therapist

Like with all relationships, your time with your therapist may come to an end. It can be hard to rationalize, especially since your therapist is probably the person you would go to for a breakup. However, sometimes it is for the best. It can be difficult to end the relationship, but sometimes it means cutting off something that is just not working for either party involved. So, how do you know when it is time to call it quits and find someone new? Check out these signs below:

1. You Do Not Feel Like You Are Growing.

The goal of therapy is to see positive growth and change. It is not instantaneous and can be very gradual. Therapy makes us talk about very difficult things and that can make us feel temporarily worse, but is still very useful in the long term. There is no set rule for when you should see results, but if you feel you are not finding these sessions to be a place of personal growth, it probably means that you have gotten everything you can out of the experience. Sometimes one therapist’s particular approach is not exactly what you need, and that is okay!

2. You Do Not Trust Your Therapist.

The goal of therapy is to trust and open up to someone. If you find yourself holding back or hiding information from your therapist, this is not the fit for you. Continuing therapy like this can actually be quite damaging to the process. Part of your therapist’s job is to hold you accountable, and that can be tough, but you should still be able to trust the process and trust them. If you cannot, it might be time to find someone else.

3. Your Therapist Is Not Sensitive to Your Differences.

You do not need to find a therapist who identifies the same way as you in every aspect, but if you are discussing identity as part of your therapy, it may be beneficial. If you feel they are not valuing the differences you have and working to understand them, it may be best to find someone else to work with.

4. Your Therapist Is Not Receptive to Constructive Criticism.

You should feel comfortable expressing your needs and concerns to your therapist. If something feels rushed or they make you feel uncomfortable, they should be able to take that note and correct it. A good therapist will listen and not make you feel out of line for standing up for yourself.

5. You Feel You No Longer Need Therapy.

Sometimes the therapy did not stop working, but rather you have accomplished your goals and it has worked. If it feels that you have learned everything you can from your therapist and the process, perhaps it is your journey with therapy (and not your therapist) that has come to an end.

So, What Is the Best Way to Do It?

1. Talk to the Therapist First.

Please, do not ghost your therapist. If you need talking points, bring up your goals and tell them you are concerned about meeting them. They will be open to the conversation; it is in their best interest and yours for you to make progress. If your therapist does not seem receptive to your point of view or feels the need to make changes, it is okay to try to find someone else. It is okay to start getting advice from another therapist on how to break up properly, especially if you hope to continue your journey with therapy.

2. Break Up In Person.

This is similar to ending a romantic relationship. If you have been seeing this person for a long time, you should end it in person. Breaking up during a session gives you both time to have closure and a specific time for it to happen. Depending on your situation, your therapist may want to continue to talk through it to better understand, but it should be relatively simple. If you feel uncomfortable with conflict, this is a safe place to practice. Some suggestions of what to say are: “I want to end our working relationship because I feel we have different goals” or “I think I have made a good amount of progress together and now it is time for me to move on”.

3. Reflect On Whether the Relationship Can (or Should) Be Salvaged.

There is a lot of reparations that can be made with your therapist! You can always bring up issues you are having and work through them together. You also do not need to have a reason as to why you are feeling off. Your therapist can help you work through what is frustrating you in the relationship and you can both work to come to a better understanding.

4. Decide How Much (or Little) to Explain.

In any relationship, you do not owe the other person anything. If you do not want to explain to your therapist why you are ending your relationship, you do not have to. These sessions are your time and your space, and a breakup is no different. If you are no longer going to work with them, it should benefit you. Decide what you feel comfortable talking about and go from there.

5. Know That It Is Not Your Job to Protect Your Therapist’s Feelings.

Therapists are professionals and, technically, they work for you! These relationships end all the time; it is part of the job. Your therapist will be equipped to handle the conversation, so please do not overthink it. As much as it can be difficult to hurt someone, therapy is about you at the end of the day, and if you are not benefiting, it does not make sense to continue.

6. You Do Not Need Your Therapist’s Permission to End the Relationship.

Your therapist may disagree that it is time to end it, and that is okay! You do not need their approval. This does not mean that your decision is wrong, but rather that they have reservations about it. It could be a result of defensiveness or genuine concern, but no matter the reaction, the decision is ultimately yours and yours alone.

A Word From Mental Treat

Starting therapy is difficult, and ending it can be very disheartening. However, you have to remember that this is part of the process for everyone. It is so common for people to have multiple therapists for a variety of reasons. Whatever your reason, when breaking up with your therapist remember that you have the power in the situation to do what makes you happy. We hope these tips are helpful and empower you to take control of your mental health!

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