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Dark Triad Personality Traits: How to Spot It and Treat It

We have all been in relationships that were not the best for us. Sometimes our political ideas or life plans do not align, causing the relationship to end. But sometimes the relationship problems are darker. Your partner may start super passionate and invested, then slowly something about your dynamic starts to feel incorrect. You wake up and find yourself feeling unloved, uncertain, or even unsafe. If you are finding yourself feeling this way in your relationships or any of this resonates with you, there is a good chance that your partner has some of these dark triad personality traits. In this article, we will not only be discussing what the dark triad actually is but teaching you how to recognize it. We will also be providing you with tips on how to get out of a relationship if your partner is exhibiting the dark triad traits. 

The Dark Triad

The three points of the dark triad are psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism. The traits often overlap and become more damaging and toxic, especially in relationships. The term ‘dark triad’ was coined in 2002 by Psychologists Delroy Paulhus and Kevin M. Williams. These traits are typically in reference to “subclinical” symptoms, meaning individuals are not diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Antisocial Personality Disorder.

1. Narcissism

Narcissism comes from the Ancient Greek myth of Narcissus, a man who fell in love with his own reflection. When we say someone is narcissistic, we mean that he or she feels entitled to a certain amount of admiration, status, prestige. When this is not received, the person may lash out. They may feel as though they are the center of attention, they are naturally gifted or special, or that events would be dull without them.

2. Machiavellianism

This name is in reference to the infamous Niccolo Machiavelli, a 15th-century Italian politician who leveraged deception and deceit to maintain power. His name is now synonymous with people who manipulate and scheme others. People with this trait are typically strategic in relationships, associating themselves with people they can use for their own social or monetary gain. These people believe that it is important to keep track of the information they can use against others later, the importance of having people on their side, and insincere flattery.

3. Psychopathy

The word ‘psychopath’ is not specific to serial killers. It is a spectrum and we are all on it. People who have these high levels of psychopathy have low levels of empathy and are more impulsive and thrill-seeking. These people may see themselves as the judge for right and wrong and may seem out of control. Someone who is in a relationship and then gambles away their partner’s savings on a bet without feeling bad about it is an example of psychopathic behavior.

Let’s say you are in a relationship with someone and you are flagged for identity fraud. Your partner supports you in going to the police to get more information and find out what happened. They even offer to pay your rent and gives you gifts since you are so overwhelmed and stressed. When the authorities cannot catch the culprit and your landlord starts asking more questions, it becomes obvious that your partner is the culprit. They have been pocketing your money and using a small amount to buy you the gifts. Coming to terms with this after being gaslit for so long is incredibly difficult. These people with dark triad traits are masters of deceit and deception. It is easy to be tricked and fall victim to this toxic behavior.

How to Recognize The Dark Triad

The combination of these personality traits creates a very toxic person who thinks and behaves in difficult ways. However, there are different degrees of the dark triad. One person could have more of a tendency whereas someone else may have much higher pathological levels. Here are some tips for spotting the traits:

1. They Are Not Particularly Warm.

Regardless of the variation of the personality traits, they have all this in common. They are not ‘agreeable’ and in psychological terms, this refers to their friendliness, warmth, ability to get along with others, and kindness. The tricky thing about this is that people with the dark triad continuum can act agreeable when it suits them. Part of Machiavellianism is that they are good at sweet-talking to get what they want. However, eventually, the cracks come through and it is easy to see the act.

2. They Are Prone to Risky and Impulsive Behavior.

Recklessness is a huge indicator. People with this personality type tend to take big risks for small rewards. Studies have shown that dark triad personalities tend to make riskier bets in BlackJack bets because they look for short-term rewards. Overspending and petty crimes are also signs of this.

3. They Have Flexible (or non-existent) Moral Fiber.

Looser morals may seem obviously tied to these traits. One study found that those with higher psychopathy levels cared less about moral considerations. People with higher Machiavellianism had more mixed responses, proving they are more flexible. Those with higher narcissism levels agreed more with items that would make them look better to others. All of us lie and cut corners when it comes to things that are mundane, but you should be concerned about this if your partner lacks concern or remorse. It is a huge red flag if they disregard morals and only agree with what works for them.

4. They Have Difficulty Understanding Someone’s Emotions.

People who have higher levels of dark triad personality traits have lower emotional skills. People with higher psychopathy levels have a much lower ability to describe emotions or be empathetic. Having this dark triad is also associated with having more external thinking, meaning they have less ‘internal’ and spend more time focusing on what they can get out of people and situations. Notice if your partner has self-awareness; if they consider the consequences of their actions and feelings. They should be able to notice when you are upset or comfortable. If they cannot, they may have dark triad traits.

5. They Have Dark or Aggressive Humor.

The things we find funny are very telling of who we are. Someone with psychopathy and Machiavellian traits is more likely to have an aggressive sense of humor. They are also more likely to use self-deprecating humor which can feel like a sign of humility, but also could be out of defensiveness or neediness. Pay attention to jokes and notice if they involve putting someone down or calling them names, even if it is about themselves.

Dark Triad in the Relationship: Behavior Patterns

There are typically 5 behavior patterns that affect relationships. Remember, if you find yourself in a relationship you wish you were different, you don’t have to go through it alone. Consider looking for a professional, who could support you and be there for you no matter what. There are a lot of professionals on Mental Treat that you may contact anytime. 

1. Lying

People with these traits are often deceptive, and research has found that those with higher dark triad traits tend to lie more often. Machiavellianism specifically is associated with telling more white lies while narcissism is associated with lies about status. People with higher levels of psychopathy lie for no reason at all. This makes trusting someone with dark triad traits even more difficult. Sooner or later, you will catch them in a lie and it will ruin your sense of security in the relationship.

2. Jealousy or Revenge

Cheaters are known for being paranoid that others are cheating on them. Those with dark triad show more preventive jealousy than others. They are not only more likely to cheat but expect to be cheated on. So if they are also more likely to want to take revenge, such as shouting or spreading rumors about their partner. Dark triad women in a study said that even if they wanted to get revenge, they would not necessarily end the relationship if their partner cheated on them. This is a testament to how much emotional control these people want.

3. Superficial Relationships

The lack of emotional depth that these people high on the dark triad scale speaks to how they tend to choose less committed and serious relationships. This is not to say that everyone who is in a fling or friends with benefits situation has this dark triad personality, but people with the traits tend to make a habit of maintaining shallow relationships. Narcissism tends to go well with one-night stands and psychopathy tends to go well with booty calls. Machiavellians choose friends with higher social status because average friends are not special enough.

4. Infidelity

We have already discussed that people higher on the dark triad scale are more likely to cheat. They are prone to impulsive behaviors and have little to no regard for other people’s feelings. People with more psychopathy tend to cheat and break up. However, when Machiavellians cheat, they can manage to keep a relationship going. They may even strategize it. Talking their way out of it is their specialty, and he or she may convince you that it was your fault all along. But do not fall for it.

5. Short Relationships

It is unsurprising that with all of these negative traits, these people do not tend to have long-lasting relationships. Men, in particular, do not really seek them and tend to opt for shorter, less committed ones. Even if they are going for a long-term relationship, people with the dark triad have a difficult time making it last. The biggest reason might be because they are so difficult and hard to get along with.

How to Manage People With Dark Triad

Of course, the hope is to not have this kind of person in your life, but that is not always possible, so it is important to know how to handle them. This is a pretty complex area and there are no easy answers.

Anger

Someone with psychopathic traits is prone to anger and aggression. These signs are typically easier to spot, but sometimes anger can be passive-aggressive. There are many strategies you can use to deal with angry people, but if you feel your safety is threatened leave the room immediately. If your partner’s anger issues are ongoing, distance yourself emotionally from this behavior and try to identify the cause of his or her rage through questions and active listening.

Bullying

Sometimes anger can turn into bullying. This can include anything from verbal abuse to threatening behavior. Often, it is more subtle including harsh criticism, belittling, or spreading rumors. If you spot this kind of behavior from your partner, it is important to offer support to those they are bullying and confront your partner about it. There are many comprehensive strategies for dealing with bullying and those approaches are valid here.

Manipulation

There are many ways to positively influence people, including encouraging them to be their most productive. Someone with Machiavellian tendencies tries to influence the people around them by manipulating them through deception and coercion.

Manipulative people are often good at hiding their intentions, but there are signals to look out for. Someone who will not take no for an answer or excuses hurtful behavior is likely being manipulative. If you challenge your partner and are specific about how their actions are harming you or others, this is the best way to go. Make it clear that the behavior has to change and hold him or her accountable.

Narcissism

The selfishness of narcissists can be difficult to deal with. He or she may not even realize the impact of their words, so raise their awareness to it when something is wrong. Narcissists are also known for their big egos and doing whatever it takes to be the center of attention. People with large egos do not expect to be challenged, so if you can stand your ground and be clear with them, that will be most helpful. This will increase respect and understanding in the situation.

Coping Skills

It can be difficult to deal with someone who exhibits these behaviors, especially if you are not comfortable with confrontation. There are a variety of ways to deal with this and learn to be more assertive. There is also a lot you can do to develop your own understanding and recognize their emotional states and perspectives. Practice building your empathy and being aware of body language. You can better manage your emotions with these skills and have a better understanding of others so you can spot these unwanted behaviors and help shut them down.

How to Get Out of A Relationship With Someone With These Traits

It can be very scary and hard to realize that your partner has these dark triad traits. If you find yourself finally understanding why you feel this way, it is a great way to start changing your situation. To safely get yourself out of a relationship with someone with a dark triad personality, here are some tips:

1. Surround yourself with supportive people.

People with high dark triad levels are known for their mind games and gaslighting. Surrounding yourself with people you trust will make you feel safe in this difficult transition

2. Get your things in order.

In some cases, people lose their financial security, independence, and safety during a messy breakup. You will want to have: an independent bank account, a safe place to go, a private place to communicate with others, and anything else you think you may need.

3. Make a clean break.

You do not need to justify why you are leaving, especially if you are worried about your partner trying to gaslit your feelings. Committing to a clean break without giving in is crucial. Do not linger in a shared space and do not bargain. Removing yourself from the situation entirely is the best strategy.

4. Be nice to yourself.

It is hard to end a relationship, especially over these dark triad traits. Do not be hard on yourself for being sucked into this behavior, it is what these people are good at. Be kind to yourself. Make sure you do what is best for you (starting therapy, moving in with loved ones, involving law enforcement). Breakups are always hard, so do what you need to do to cope.

Books and Literature

Confessions of a Sociopath by M.E. Thomas
M.E. Thomas discusses how she relishes ruining people in this chilling book. This is common behavior for psychopaths and sociopaths. The author discusses the strategies and fake allegations that made her career advance.

Trust Me, I’m Lying by Ryan Holiday
Conning the media and masses is no small feat, but for Machiavellians, it is a game they love to play. Ryan Holiday knew this all too well as Marketing Director of American Apparel.

Women Who Love Psychopaths by Sandra Brown
Psychopaths are more successful with women. They may hang out with more low-quality women, but in the short term, they often have a higher ‘body count’ than non-pathological men. However, they are not successful in relationships, but still manage to acquire the attention of women.

Psychopath Free by Jackson MacKenzie
How do psychopaths behave in their relationships? How does it feel to be the victim of psychopathic behavior? The author describes his own story in this book.

The Psychopath Whisperer by Kent A. Kiehl
This book is a good combination of entertainment with science and provides practical information on the games that psychopaths play. Most psychopath researchers’ experience comes from prison environments, so it is important to know this is a skewed sample that focuses primarily on “low functioning” psychopaths.

A Word From Mental Treat

We hope this guide was helpful and informative in identifying Dark Triad personality traits. If you find yourself charmed by someone and then realize it is not going well, that is okay! Now you have plenty of resources on information to know what to do. These relationships are difficult and toxic, but there are many ways to get out. Keep your head up and know that you are not alone. If you are in need of help from a professional to work through this, check out our website to find the right fit for you.

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