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How to Say Goodbye if Someone You Love is Toxic?

Toxic relationships have been glamorized in our movies, books, and television shows. We find the idea that someone would do anything for us romantic. We have been conditioned to overlook the negative and find the controlling, overbearing, and sometimes abusive behavior attractive. Examples of this are found in most young adult content in some form or another.

However, a toxic relationship is not as romantic as we perceive it to be. These types of relationships break people down. Strong, independent people can find themselves victims of toxic relationships. Relationships that once seemed unbreakable can evolve into toxic situations. We are so conditioned to see things as romanticized that we forget relationships and the people in them change.

Some relationships are wrong from the start. Some start off with promises and then dissolve. No matter what the state of the relationship is at the start, it is always possible that they may turn toxic.

But, for one reason or another, we love to love and be loved. These highs and lows make us feel more alive than anything else. This is why it can be difficult to leave when people find themselves in toxic relationships. We want to live in that feeling of being in love and will do almost anything to keep it. For more information on if your relationship is toxic, check out our article here.

In this article, we will be helping you figure out what to do when it is time to leave a toxic relationship. It can be incredibly heartbreaking, but we are here to help you. You are not alone.

Types of Toxic Relationships and How to Identify Them

1. The Guilt Tripper.

Toxic relationships can exist in all types of relationships, not just romantic ones. In this type of relationship, the guilt inducer controls their victim by making him or her feel guilty any time they do something the other does not agree with. They will use the words “hurt” and “disappointed” to describe their response to your actions. For example, your partner tells you they are disappointed that you went out with friends instead of visiting them.

This person not only induces guilt but removes it if you give into them. This makes their victim feel more desirable and ‘correct’. Frequently, partners will disguise their guilt tactics by seemingly supporting their significant other in decisions (such as going back to school). They then induce guilt by saying how much they miss you or how you have not been paying attention to your children as a result. This is the most common form of control used by toxic parents on children.

2. The Paranoid Possessor

This type of individual is particularly bad. You may find their jealousy endearing in the early part of your relationship. However, this quickly transitions from jealousy to possession. They like to believe that when you are in a committed relationship with them, they will be less jealous, but do not believe this.

Toxic individuals only become more suspicious and paranoid when they have more time in the relationship. They will interrogate you if you stay late for work, track your phone to make sure you are where you say you are and make you miserable. They see themselves as your possessor and not as a partner.

If you stay in a relationship like this, you will lose your sense of independence. You may try many things to fix it, but there is little you can do with people like this.

3. The Bad Temper

People who have habits of ‘blowing up’ in arguments and make it easier to go along with what they want out of fear for his or her temper are toxic. We call this controlling by intimidation and it is a telltale sign of a toxic partner.

Partners have unpredictable tempers and leave their significant other nervous to speak or risk sending them into a rage. This level of emotional abuse rarely is portrayed to those outside of the relationship. Many people may think your partner is easy-going and calm. This is their biggest strength.

If you confront your partner, they will always blame their next outburst on you. Somehow, it is your fault that they yell, scream, break things, what have you. It is imperative that you know this is not your fault. Some people have anger issues that they need to work through and that are fully independent of them.

4. The User

This kind of toxic person can also be found in many different relationships. These people often seem pleasant, supportive, and nice. However, they only act this way as long as they get what they want from you. This kind of one-way relationship is harmful because the other person will leave you if they find someone else who can provide them with more.

Sometimes these people will do a small thing for you so that they can use it against you later. For instance, they might hold the fact that they gave you their extra coffee over you for you to write something for them. You are not getting much for your investment in relationships like this.

5. The 'Independent'

These people often disguise their toxic tendencies as being independent. They do not want people to ‘control them’, but they often use this to control someone else. You may find yourself uncertain about their whereabouts or what they are going to do. They may tell you one thing and then something else suddenly comes up. Simply, they do not keep their commitments. They control you by making it impossible for you to commit or make plans.

This type of person also will never make you feel safe in your relationship. Not only is their behavior unpredictable, but they make it so you are never quite sure that they are emotionally committed to you. You will often need reassurance that they will never be able or willing to give. The level of anxiety that comes from dating a person like this often destroys the relationship.

Why These Relationships Are Destructive And Do Not Change

Love always comes back when you give it. When it comes back stingy and small, it will leave you feeling depleted and small yourself. This is entirely too short of where it should be.

Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and growth. When one person in a relationship changes, it can be difficult to overcome. Even the strongest of relationships are faced with inadequacy, jealousy, and insecurity sometimes. This difference in, healthy relationships can and will work through the hard times. Unhealthy relationships will blame, manipulate, and lie.

Most people think if they could just do a little more of this or a little less of that, it will fix their relationships. However, sometimes the situation is that if something was going to change, it would have by now. Yes, some toxic people have the capacity for change, but it is not likely.

What is likely is that nothing anyone else does can change them. Broke people believe that everything is always someone else’s fault. They have little remorse and little regret. Often how broken they just heighten the level of toxicity they bring to a relationship.

What You Need to Fix a Toxic Relationship and Make It Healthier

A toxic relationship needs to rebuild that trust, respect, and affection every healthy relationship requires. It is more than having a difficult time with your relationship, it is a long-term problem. So how do we shift our partner’s behavior?

This is not an easy process. Most people cannot do it. However, there are a few suggestions we have to improve your relationship.

● Both partners must be willing to change. If one of you does not believe they need to change or are not interested in the conversation, there is not much that can be done. It has to be a team effort.

● Both partners must acknowledge that there is a lack of trust, respect, and affection and you will both have to work on it. If both of you want things to get better, you must first acknowledge that there is a problem. This is difficult. One person may believe they are providing the other with the correct amount of respect and the other person may disagree. Whatever your specific situation is, be honest and open with your partner.

● Both partners must communicate in a healthy, productive way. This means avoiding placing blame or judgment on each other during the conversation. Right now, it does not matter whose fault it is. Your goal is to move forward and prioritize the relationship.

Remember, restoring a toxic relationship is not easy, but neither are most things in life. You may decide it is time to end the relationship, and that is okay too. Whatever makes you feel safe and secure. If the relationship is not worth saving, it is not worth saving.

Why It Is Hard to Leave, Even When You Know You Have To

If you try to leave a toxic relationship, it can sometimes make the situation worse. For some people, the toxic relationship has become comfortable and they are scared to get back out there and find someone else. When things are not working out, people always resort to what used to work.

Breaking away from a toxic relationship can be painful. The relationship occupies so much space in your head and heart. You could feel trapped by that very fact. There is no flexibility and no room for growth.

Toxic people will do whatever they can to restore their power in a relationship to the way it once was. However, do not let this make you take steps back. If the relationship hurts you, end it. It can be easier said than done but is perhaps the most important thing to know. Here are a few tips on how to make this process easier:

Do not dwell on the past. This is a helpful tip for all things. The past is gone and the relationship has changed.

Start therapy. If you do not know where to find a therapist, look no further. Mental Treat’s platform will get you connected with someone easily and efficiently. If you need someone who works online so it is more discrete, we have you covered too. Check out our platform here.

View your partner with compassion. If they have been going through a difficult time, do not excuse their actions, but rather understand where they might be coming from. Sometimes things are a lot more complicated than we give them credit for.

A Word From Mental Treat

If it feels like you need to walk away from a relationship, do it. You can always leave it slightly cracked for when they are ready to meet you where you need to be. Set healthy, clear boundaries. Leave it to the other person to decide if they can meet you there or not. Boundaries help us make our relationships stronger and healthier. Now if the relationship ends, it is not because of your lack of love, but rather because the other person refuses to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Toxic people have little regard for your well-being. It is always okay to say ‘no’ when they say or do something that diminishes you. Sometimes the healthiest option is to remove yourself from the situation entirely.

You have no obligation to stay with a toxic person because they are your partner, friend, or even family member. It is not easy to walk away, but it is always worth it.

Letting go will likely make the other person feel negative. They may beg you to stay or become more toxic through their anger and guilt, but keep moving forward. Do not believe their version of love. It has been suffocating you for too long.

If you choose to stay in a toxic relationship, that is okay. Just as long as you see their behavior for what it is. Be stronger, braver, and more secure in yourself. Be honest with them and open. Be the person they do not want you to be and hope that it changes them for the better. Whatever you decide to do, we wish you the best of luck in your journey of love. Take care, and be well.

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