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A Guide To What Not To Say To Your Therapist (And Why It Matters)

When someone decides to start going to therapy it can be a very difficult decision. There is a lot of anxiety that leads up to the first session, so feeling stressed or apprehensive is perfectly normal. Navigating what to say and what not to say to your therapist is something that many clients struggle with at first. You should not be worried about oversharing or saying things wrong, but rather how to frame what you want to say in order to make the most progress in your sessions. In this article, we will be giving you helpful tips and insights into how to make therapy as effective as possible.

When you start looking for a therapist it is crucial that you set expectations for yourself and know the kind of person you want to work with. The therapist is important in the process, but you are the main character in sessions. As you begin your journey, there are a few things to keep in mind in order to be best prepared. You should try to avoid the following phrases/behaviors so you can maximize your time and get the most out of therapy.

What to Avoid Saying

“Can you write me a prescription for x,y,z?”

While medication can really help people with several mental and physical health problems, it is not necessarily the right solution for everyone. If you are only going to therapy because you are hoping he or she will write you a prescription, you are not going for the right reasons. You also may not be able to receive the medication you are after. Psychologists are not allowed to prescribe. Some will work with doctors or psychiatrists who are able to prescribe and handle that part of treatment, but it is important to know the difference. Psychiatrists also can write prescriptions, but cannot provide counseling. So, understand what kind of specialist you are seeking.

However, medication may be helpful alongside psychotherapy or talk therapy. The American Psychological Association (APA) has stated that different combinations of treatment can work for different people. It is important that when you do start working with your therapist you discuss your options with them.

“Are you going to fix me?”

First of all, you are not broken. You may be dealing with something very hard, but you are not a broken person who needs to be fixed. It is a misconception that we hire therapists to ‘fix’ our problems. The goal of therapy is obviously to progress and have positive growth, but that does not equate to being broken. Everyone has problems and struggles, and a therapist is there to guide and help us work through what we need.

If you are expecting to walk into a therapist’s office and have them solve all of your problems, you are going to be disappointed. As we mentioned, you are the center of your therapy journey. The therapist may know what to do and say in order to get you where you need to be and help you discover new things about yourself, but they are not going to do the work for you. So, if you are hoping to be ‘fixed’ by this practice, you will be missing the point of your sessions and stalling your own progress. Think of your therapist as a guide.

“Oops, I didn’t do my homework.”

Some therapists do not call it “homework” specifically, but there might be times when your therapist will ask you to try different things during your life between sessions. These tasks can sometimes feel strange or uncomfortable because you will not be used to them, but there is always a method to the madness. Therapists know what tasks will help you get to where you want to be. This homework is there to help you make progress between your sessions and help your process.

If you forget or are purposely forgetting, it will slow down the process. Keep in mind that the therapist is not there to ‘fix’ you and instead will work with you to learn what steps you need to take in order to have the most fulfilled, healthy life. If they ask you to do something and you do not feel comfortable doing it, talk to them. When you are communicative, it helps your therapist to discuss with you and move forward. There may be an easy alternative!

Lies.

Talking to someone can be very difficult, especially when you do not know them very well. You may feel tempted to bend the truth or leave things out because you are embarrassed or uncomfortable. However, this is not helpful at all to the process. If you are speaking with your therapist and they touch on a topic that is difficult for you, you may want to address it. If you are only allowing them to have half of the information, you are hindering your own progress.

Your therapist is there to help you move forward in healthy ways. In order for them to be successful in that, you need to be honest with them. This is not to say you should spill every detail of your life to them, but you need to share truthful information. Lying or misleading your therapist will only make it harder for you to move forward and for them to help you. It is okay to say when something is uncomfortable or difficult, but being honest is always best.

Only the facts.

When telling your therapist a story, it is important that they have the facts of the situation, but more importantly that they have a well-rounded understanding of the situation. You have to help them understand your feelings and emotional response to events. This way your therapist can understand what you are saying and help you work through it. If a situation made you sad, confused, or upset, your therapist should not have to guess.

If you are withholding how you felt because you genuinely do not understand it yourself, that is okay! Just be sure to communicate that to your therapist. This provides an opportunity for them to talk to you and explore your feelings. If it is too soon, it is also okay to tell your therapist you want to avoid that subject as a whole. Your journey to healing happens on your own time.

Overshare.

Having a good relationship with your therapist is very important to the process. Some people may try to use small talk to avoid discussing issues or situations that brought them to therapy, and sometimes people overshare for the same reason. Sometimes a therapist may ask you a question to get you talking about something that may feel off topic but could connect emotionally. If you feel that your therapist tapped into something for you, keep exploring that.

Although, if you are sharing the same details of something, ask yourself if you are using this to avoid getting to the root of the problem. Remember, your therapist only knows what you tell them and how you tell them.

Finding a Therapist

If you are trying to find a therapist and wondering how to get the best out of your sessions, there are several options available. Remember to know what you are looking for out of sessions and the kind of specialist you want to work with. Mental Treat is a fantastic place to look for therapists in your area, price range, specializations, and more! We also have a variety of articles on how to identify the kind of therapist you want to work with. Check out our website for more information!

We hope this guide was helpful in navigating your first few sessions of therapy and what to avoid saying. Above all, how comfortable you are with your therapist is crucial. It is normal that it will take a few sessions to get comfortable with this person, but if you are still not feeling comfortable or like you are seeing results, let your therapist know. They will be able to help you talk this through, and if that does not work for you, you always have the option of finding another therapist. You should be getting the most out of your therapy sessions so you can feel healthy and positive.

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