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Narcissistic Rage 101: How to Avoid it and Deal With It

People with narcissistic rage can be very hard to deal with when they encounter a failure. Sometimes the people closest to you can be faced with this. This person can turn ordinary events into competitions. From your point of view, the comparisons they are trying to make may seem silly, but people like this like to engage in challenges in the most ordinary circumstances.

However, when the stakes are high and a narcissist loses, the rage maybe even stronger. Celebrities and athletes take to social media to complain about a loss. Pettiness and nastiness are expected. What makes these people with narcissistic personalities so incapable of accepting a loss? Behind everyone’s behavior is a story and narcissism, like other conditions, has its roots. We are going to unpack how to avoid and deal with narcissistic rage in this article, so readers can understand it thoroughly.

Who Is Actually Narcissistic?

You have probably heard the word ‘narcissistic’ a few times in your life. Often it is in reference to a self-obsessed celebrity or athlete. These people have a sense of entitlement or need constant adoration. However, in psychology, narcissism does not mean self-love, but rather people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are in love with the romanticized version of themselves. They inflate their self-image because they have deeply rooted insecurities. This takes a lot of work and that is where dysfunctional behavior comes into play.

NPD involves a pattern of arrogant, self-absorbed thinking and behavior, as well as a lack of empathy and consideration for others. This way of thinking affects family, work, friends, and romantic relationships. These individuals are typically very resistant to change and blame others for their actions or mishaps. They are extremely sensitive to criticism and are known to lash out when they feel personally attacked.

For those in a narcissist’s life, it is easier to go along with his or her demands to avoid rages. However, the more you learn about NPD, the more you can protect yourself from his or her demands and create healthier boundaries.

Why People Become Narcissistic

While it is not entirely understood, genetic defects and contributing environmental factors are thought to be responsible. Some of these factors may include:

  • Cultural influences;
  • Unrealistic expectations from others;
  • Sexual promiscuity;
  • Excessive parental pampering;
  • Childhood neglect or abuse.

If you are or someone you know has a problem with narcissistic rage it can be difficult to accept. If you are confused about if someone has NPD, it can be helpful to learn as much as possible about the disorder. NPD can be hidden, obvious, or even high functioning. To diagnosis someone with a narcissistic personality disorder, you must show a long-term pattern of certain personality traits, including:

  • Arrogance;
  • Need for attention;
  • Jealousy;
  • Sense of entitlement;
  • Need for power and control;
  • Lack of empathy.

People may struggle with these traits without meeting the full criteria for NPD.

What Is Narcissistic Rage?

People with NPD who experience narcissistic rage do so because they are not receiving the level of attention they feel they are entitled to. This could be screaming and yelling or passive-aggressive behaviors. Most instances of narcissistic rage live on a behavior continuum. On one end of the spectrum, someone may be entirely withdrawn. They may want the other person to be hurt by their absence. On the other hand, we have explosive outbursts. The goal is, again, to hurt the other person as a form of self-defense. These are known as explosive and passive rage. Neither is better than the other and both can be very damaging.

Narcissistic rage can result due to any of the following actions:

  • The narcissist does not get his or her way.
  • The narcissist is caught breaking rules.
  • The narcissist experiences criticism, even if done constructively.
  • The narcissist feels out of control.
  • The narcissist is forced to be held accountable.

Not every angry person is experiencing narcissistic rage. Anyone can have an outburst! Narcissistic rage is one component of narcissistic personality disorder.

How to Avoid the Rage

The best piece of advice we can offer: walk away. If you see the narcissist is angry, do not engage. Physically distance yourself from this person if possible. Here are 5 other helpful ways to avoid the rage.

1. Establish Healthy Boundaries.

Gratitude is known for improving your relationship with others in a variety of ways. Not only will it allow you to be more open to receiving help from others, but it allows you to find that help within yourself. You are a more empathetic person, which really benefits your romantic relationships and friendships. People enjoy being appreciated and receiving those positive words of affirmation from others. When you make this part of your daily routine, it can really help you make those in your life feel more appreciated and supported.

2. Empathize With This Person.

There have been many studies on stress levels and its correlation with gratitude. McCraty and colleagues (1998) found that participants in their study who felt gratitude showed reduced cortisol levels compared to those who did not. Not only were stress levels lower, but those participants had better responses to setbacks and had better cardiac levels. It is the act of appreciating and acknowledging the little things in life that does the trick. It seems so simple, but it really is something that most of us take for granted. When we get our brain to focus on what is going on right in front of us and be more appreciative, it really can improve most things.

3. Remember It Is Not About You.

Everything a narcissist does is because of themselves. They can try to blame you, but it is about them. When you are able to understand this, it becomes much easier to deal with.

4. Stay Calm.

This is for you as much as it is for them. Narcissists enjoy getting a reaction out of the other person, so if you remain calm it eliminates the reaction. This can also help you calm yourself down and feel safe. Refocus and breathe.

5. Follow Through.

Be as assertive and bold with your actions as possible to combat their rage. If you make boundaries, stick to them. If you say things, commit to them. Narcissists look for weakness, but if you are strong and steadfast in your words, you will be able to overcome them. The more you are educated on NPD and narcissistic rage, the better and smarter you will be.

How to Deal With Narcissistic Rage

If you have read this far, hopefully, you will have a better understanding of narcissistic rage and how to make healthier choices if you are the person experiencing it.

While this range may feel good at the moment, it only drives people away from you and makes you look bad. Treatment can be difficult, but there are many things you can try if you or a loved one experiencing narcissistic rage.

Seeing a therapist can be very helpful to understanding and reducing the behavior. You will be able to develop coping skills and work through issues in an appropriate setting. A therapist can help you:

  • Become familiar with NPD and its triggers;
  • Identify and change negative thoughts;
  • Develop a better sense of self.

On Mental Treat, we have a variety of licensed mental health professionals so are ready to help you take steps to get help. Simply scroll through our website and apply filters so you find the right person for you! Many of our professionals specialize in a variety of practices, so be sure to read thoroughly.

How to Handle Narcissistic Rage In a Stranger

This is probably the easiest. Simply walk away and do not engage. You do not owe this person anything and do not have to stay and argue. Do not do anything to escalate the situation or lead to personal harm. Also, avoid sharing too much personal information. If you are in a situation where you feel particularly unsafe, please call 911 or the emergency line in your area.

How to Handle Narcissistic Rage In a Coworker

In this case, make sure you get the full story so you can tell someone. If your work is being affected by this person, speak with the Human Resources department or a manager. Report any harassment immediately and keep records of your interactions with this individual. Do not take it personally or try to get revenge. Do not try to use logic and debate with this person. Also, do not apologize for things that are not your fault or accept abuse. Your office should be a resource for help.

How to Handle Narcissistic Rage In a Loved One

You can attend family or couples therapy to work on your communication with this person. Setting boundaries as to what is acceptable is also a great way to handle this person. If you ever find yourself being physically, emotionally, or mentally threatened or abused, end the relationship. Acknowledge that you are not to blame for his or her behavior. Do not place anger on yourself, but stay calm during these difficult episodes. Protect your self-worth and self-esteem from the narcissist and if you find yourself being gaslit, find an outside source to help. This can be very difficult to cope with, but if you take all of the proper steps, and your loved one wants to change, the relationship can be saved.

A Word From Mental Treat

It can be difficult to deal with someone who is narcissistic. Be understanding, but do not let yourself be abused. It is not your fault that this person experiences this level of rage and it is not about you. There is plenty of help available for someone working through narcissistic rage and personality disorder. With proper treatment, they can function healthily. Encourage your friend or loved one to seek help if this condition is making things difficult.

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